While everyone is up in a huff about cooking home meals everyday, I think it's a time to relax, reflect, and rejuvenate your soul. That's right kiddos! Home cooking doesn't have to be a chore, it can also free your energies from the husks that bind us. While you young varmints might not be used to it, I've been home cooking for my little cherubs for the last 30 years, and know a thing or two about making kitchen time and relaxation time one and the same. Today I'd like to share with you my blessing, so that we can all let our minds flow together in this dark time.

Step 1: Light in Darkness

Modern light fixtures, while convenient, have a hidden downside in their abrasive brightness. Their electric energies can sap the life-force from our iris, making us feel tired, anxious, or downright grumpy. That's why I use candlelight alone in my kitchen. Their warm glow like starlight, connects us further with our alien ancestors. To further connect to the cosmos, be sure to shut your curtains and recreate the darkness of space in your very own kitchen!

Step 2: Fresh Air

The air inside our homes are typically filthy with building material residue, paint, and other such nasty artificial particles. To clean the air in my kitchen, I use an oil-based humidifier, to remind the body of its long-gone home in the womb. We are meant to breathe water, and listening to our bodies is the first and last step towards inner peace. Try and keep the humidity as high as possible. For best results, block off any ventilation that might be letting the moisture escape from your kitchen.

Step 3: Surrounded With Life

As we find ourselves distancing our bodies from others, it's important to keep in mind that as social creatures, we are meant to be around other lifeforms. That's why in my kitchen, I keep the flesh of the animals, fruits, and nature's gifts outside of their cold prison, and let them breathe free around me. Surrounding yourself with food of course also has the bonus effect of making it easier to find ingredients when cooking! No more rooting around the freezer looking for that vital protein!

Step 4: Comfort First

As mentioned, it's important that we always pay attention to what our bodies need, and keeping our atmosphere as comfortable as possible is a large part of that. It's a scientific fact that human bodies prefer to be at a comfortable temperature range of around 75-80 degrees fahrenheit, so you should always stick to it when possible, if not warmer. The body can handle a lot more heat than is typically portrayed by the scientific community, so feel free to explore your range!

Step 5: Sweeten Everything

We've grown accustomed to the world telling us that sugar is wrong. That sugar is over-utilized. Don't listen to those negative energies, listen to what your heart wants. We are sugar loving entities, why should we restrict ourselves from things we love? I personally surround my kitchen in the stuff, because the smell lifts my spirits, and makes me excited for the meals to come! Feel free to sprinkle sugars across the floor, and across your exposed fruits, really anywhere you please. It's your kitchen, after all!

I hope these tips will help others find the joy in spiritually enhanced cooking as I have! I think you'll find that avoiding bodily sickness by staying home may actually be a gateway towards a new life for yourselves. Remember: Keep it warm, keep it dark, keep it humid, and surround yourselves with your favorite foods!

– "Starlight" Diane (@slicknicklives)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2020 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.