Taking off the Belt with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: tom it occurred to me
Livestock: there used to be little belts and buckles on hats
Livestock: and boots
Livestock: since those have gone out of style, the belt industry has really taken a blow
Livestock: i bet they lost like 50% of their profits when that happened
Moof: josh those hats have NOT gone out of style
Livestock: excuse me????
Moof: josh i wear them all the time
Moof: josh i start all my sentences to you with "josh"
Moof: just in case you are not sure who i am speaking to
Livestock: tom - thank you
Moof: you are welcome

Sitting Pretty in the Catbird Seat with Tom "Moof" Davies

Moof: josh i think we should name our first book of chatlogs "sitting pretty in the catbird seat"
Moof: look at you there
Moof: sitting pretty
Moof: up in the catbird seat
Livestock: tom i wasn't aware we had a book deal
Livestock: how much of a cut am i getting
Moof: you're looking at 20% good buddy
Moof: not bad at all
Livestock: what is your cut
Moof: let's not worry about that
Livestock: no tom i am worrying
Moof: what are you going to do with your 20% josh
Livestock: i am worrying a lot
Moof: josh 20% is a lot
Livestock: i haven't slept since you told me my cut
Livestock: haven't slept a minute
Moof: my god really
Livestock: not a single minute
Livestock: because i am worrying
Livestock: tom so let's get this out on the table
Livestock: in the open air
Livestock: the outdoor table
Livestock: the picnic table
Livestock: let's lay all the cards out on the picnic table
Moof: okay josh
Moof: let's just say that my cut is 80%
Moof: what if we said that
Livestock: tom if we said that i would be angry
Moof: okay then let's not
Moof: let's forget about my cut
Livestock: because, as you know, my cut should be greater than fifty percent
Moof: let's focus on your 20%
Moof: it's a real whopper
Moof: a whopping 20%
Moof: wow! look at all those percents!
Moof: that is what i said
Moof: when i first saw your cut
Livestock: tom i'm not eating a whopper, not even at the picnic table
Livestock: tom you are a common shark
Livestock: i refuse to participate in this book so all my chats will have to be removed
Livestock: all of it
Moof: i will replace you with a lovable ruffian named james brogluff
Livestock: ARGH
Moof: james "lovestock" brogluff
Livestock: this is BETRAYAL
Moof: he will only get 10%
Moof: i will get 90%
Moof: so this is a good deal for me
Moof: plus "sitting pretty in the catbird seat" will probably sell better without you in it
Moof: no offense
Livestock: tom i will publish my own book
Livestock: of chatlogs
Moof: what is my cut
Livestock: tom you will get a papercut
Livestock: because all the edges will be sharpened prior to distribution
Moof: noooooo
Livestock: the book will be considerably more edgy
Livestock: than yours
Livestock: we shall settle this on the bookshelf just as authors of old did so long ago
Moof: ah, a dual atop a bookshelf
Moof: accepted
Moof: what will it be called
Livestock: The Wit & Wisdom of Joshua Boruff, et al
Moof: well at least there will not be very many pages for myself to get a papercut on
Moof: more like a pamphlet than a book i suppose
Moof: lots of illustrations
Moof: no real content
Livestock: tom my book will contain a slice of honey baked ham in the middle
Moof: josh it seems you have bested me
Livestock: no reader can resist the deadly allure of honey baked ham
Moof: i cannot compete with that
Livestock: thank you
Livestock: thank you for warming the catbird seat up for me
Moof: josh i will leave the catbird seat
Moof: for now

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Mooflogs

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2020 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.