It seems I have not used this feature in some time. I shall remedy that with more frequent updates, as well as plenty of chatlogs with the popular Internet personality Tom "Moof" Davies.
Livestock: hey tom listen
Livestock: gonna let you in on a little secret
Moof: hehehehe ok
Livestock: if you pet one dog in front of another dog, the other dog will want to get petted too
Moof: hehe yes
Livestock: it's called Boruff's Constant
Moof: what is it equal to, josh
Livestock: equal to having to pet two dogs
Moof: that is not a constant, josh
Moof: maybe you are thinking of Boruff's Fourth Law
Livestock: TOM DOGS DO IT CONSTANTLY
Livestock: THUS IT IS A CONSTANT
Moof: JOSH THEY DO NOT
Moof: josh if a tree falls onto a dog in a forest with no one else around was the tree just trying to pet the dog??
Livestock: tom that would imply a tree has motives and desires
Livestock: that a tree has ambition
Livestock: a tree has none of these things. a tree merely has drive.
Livestock: and it is automatic
Livestock: like a car
Livestock: that is why trees rarely shift gears
Livestock: tom i say to you: i have bested thee
Moof: i love yogurt
Moof: a superfood
Livestock: tom dogs are not a superfood but i think we can agree they are a superfriend
Moof: WE CAN AGREE 100%
Note: this chatlog takes place during the Winter Times we recently emerged from.
Moof: looks like it will get to above freezing on saturday
Moof: 38 degrees!!
Livestock: a real scorcher in the big apple
Livestock: no sign of relief in sight
Moof: looking forward to drinking that water
Livestock: what water
Moof: half a bottle of dasani
Moof: josh it has been solid ice since november
Livestock: should be pretty ripe
Moof: just sitting there in my cup holder
Livestock: a whole bottle??
Moof: already had some of it before it froze
Moof: looks like tomorrow though i might be able to enjoy the rest of it
Moof: really looking forward to getting my money's worth
Moof: would hate to have to return it to the store
Moof: get my money back
Livestock: tom you could take it in and microwave it
Moof: josh i dont want to irradiate it
Moof: i wont take that chance
Livestock: tom boil it?
Livestock: tom listen i'm just saying
Livestock: you haven't exhausted every option
Livestock: the candle of hope hasn't gone dark just yet
Livestock: its wax still stands in solemn support of the wick
Moof: my apartment is not below freezing
Moof: so i could just take it inside
Moof: but i refuse to
Moof: i bought that water to drink in my car
Livestock: tom i understand that it is car water
Livestock: you can warm it up indoors then go back to your car
Livestock: an idea
Livestock: take your car into the garage
Livestock: close the garage door
Livestock: keep the car running for a good couple hours
Livestock: with the heater going
Livestock: should warm that water up real good
Moof: josh i i just wish i could drink it
Moof: you know
Livestock: i know tom
Livestock: i know
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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Moof and Livestock discuss life, love, human nature, and all the most important issues affecting humanity.