Trillaphon: Catching your assailants off guard: $0. New suit jacket from J.C.: $28. Removing bits of skull fragment from your hotel coffee table: $180. Murdering an unarmed man in front of 40 eye witnesses for no good reason: $0, but fucking dumb as hell.
Hydrogen: It would be bad enough if he didn't get caught for that, but in the very next scene he's at the fucking police station asking them about missing persons like nothing ever happened.
Trillaphon: Hell, they pick him up and give him a ride there in a police cruiser, and not once is he ever even questioned about the fact that the creepy guy with a fake passport and assumed identity murdered some guy in front of a full 12-piece jazz ensemble.
Trillaphon: At least this is all consistent with his grand plan to ambush the bad guys later on by working with a police detective to waltz into their hangout in broad daylight with more guns than The Matrix.
Trillaphon: "Hey, does anyone know where I can get my suit jacket altered? I'm trying to get something that looks less like I'm 12 years old trying on a trenchcoat from my dad's closet. Anyone?"
Hydrogen: I think this movie must have used every squib and most of the fake vases and plaster statues in all of Poland.
Trillaphon: Seagal's contract requires at least 500 squibs per minute in his gun-fu scenes.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Mr. Sakurai-sama, where the FRICK is Dino Riki!?
Are there arrows in Tomb Raider? "No. Absolutely not."
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.