I was recommended these by a tiny Indian chief that crawled out of a vent. He was wearing them and he said I should wear them. He couldn't have been more right! These moccasins are wonderful!
Even though I was normal sized when I placed the order, by the time the great thunderbird carrying them in its talons alighted on my windowsill I had shrunk to the size of a baby. They were so comfortable on my feet that the Indian chief began to cry. He said that I could marry his daughter, but my mother came into the room and tried to stop me. I told her I just wanted to live my life, but she said I had to finish college first, which is weird, because I never finished college.
My dog was watching and he bit her and she popped like a balloon. Then I was in a car and the pedals felt so soft through the fabric of the moccasin. I'm no baby, but I know a good baby moccasin, and these are them.
I had never heard of these guys until recently, when I found myself running down a darkened tunnel with them. We were trying to escape a giant lawnmower. One of them is a dragon. I'm pretty sure of it. I can't say how I know, it's just one of those things I know, but he's a good dragon so there's nothing to worry about.
We came out of the tunnel and into the clouds. We were floating and one of them gave me a copy of this CD. There were storms coming and I had this feeling that I had to listen to the music before the storm came. I struggled for what seemed like ages with a pair of headphones and finally I heard the music and the storm clouds just disappeared.
The music sounded sort of like a bell ringing and not stopping. When I woke up I was peeing.
I wished for this watch in a mirror and it appeared on my wrist. It is light as a feather and feels warm against my skin. Cats love it, and every time I wear it I am surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of meowing cats. I feel like I can communicate them, but it's more in ideas and emotions than in words.
I'm not totally happy with it. Sometimes I think this watch has a dark side. When I wake up all of my furniture has been moved around and sometimes I also get the feeling it is laughing at me. I can't take it off, even if I want.
I guess these are the two sides of this elegant watch.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful