I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant is a television program in which human beings relate their actual tales of stealth fetuses that did not make their presence known until they dropped a smoke bomb and rappelled out of the womb. Each episode features a dramatic recreation in the style of Unsolved Mysteries, by which I mean a hilarious recreation.
The baby's first contact tends to be with the cold water of a toilet bowl, its mother staring dumbly in a mixture of horror and repulsion for a good while as the tiny human flails about and nearly drowns. This is the sort of thing that is best seen in small doses, popping up for a few minutes on The Soup. Anything more than that and you'd slide from bemused shock to the sort of full-on depression that comes with watching one of those daytime judge shows or the pseudo-science infomercial that is Dr. Oz.
Somehow, though, the show exists as a stand-alone entity that people have watched since 2008. The clamor for programming based upon people not knowing things is surprisingly huge (you make the Fox News and/or political radio joke). In fact, the show's producers have created a number of spinoffs to capitalize on the burgeoning genre.
I Didn't Know I Was Omniscient
I Didn't Know It Was Creepy To Make My Online Portrait A Picture Of Me Kissing Someone
I Have No Idea Where This Book Is Going But I'll Continue To Silently Read It
I Can't Tell Where I Am On This Map Of The Mall, Tell My Family I Love Them Very Much
I Didn't Know This Was A TV Show
I Didn't Know It Wasn't Butter, Your Honor
I Had No Clue That There Was A Difference Between Trolling And Actual Humor
I Didn't Know My House Was Just A Caveman Exhibit At The Museum Of Natural History
I Can't Tell The Difference Between Bottled Water And Vinegar So I Just Buy Whatever's Cheaper
I Had No Idea That Europeans Were So Sensitive About Wolf-Whistling At Their Naked Titty Statues
I Didn't Know Math Was The One With The Numbers
I Didn't Realize I Was Awake, Please Tell Your Family I'm Sorry For Swimming Through The Air
I Was Shocked That The Naruto Pregnancy Test I Ordered Was Just A Candy Shaped Like A Pregnancy Test
I Thought I Accidentally Left The Coffee Maker On When I Left In The Morning, But I Didn't
I Didn't Know This Tattoo Of A Swastika On My Face Supported Racism, I Just Like Hitler
I Didn't Know The Segway Had Already Been Invented
I Didn't Realize That String Theory Wasn't Taught With String Cheese, And Now I'm Stuck Being A Scientist
I Didn't Know The Konami Code Even Though I Said I Did, And Now My Spouse Is Gone
I Didn't Know There Was A Show Called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
I Had No Idea Where The People In That Car Were Going But I Tried To Give Them Directions Anyway
I Didn't Know That Ignorance Of A Law Wasn't A Defense
I Didn't Know That Time Was Linear, Sorry About Burning Your Chicken Nuggets
I Didn't Realize That Wrestling Was Fake, I Was Only Trying To Protect My Family
I Don't Know Who The Musical Guests Are On Saturday Night Live
I Didn't Know Jack - I Thought I Did, But There Was This Whole Other Side That He Kept Hidden
I Don't Know The Difference Between Fahrenheit And Centigrade So I Just Wear Cargo Shorts All The Time
I Didn't Know "Nasty Buttworms" Wasn't A Clinical Term And Now I'm Facing A Malpractice Suit
I Had No Idea That Was Gary Oldman, Wow!
I Didn't Know The Mirror With An Airbrushed Wizard That I Bought At The Fair For Ten Dollars Wasn't Actually An Original Van Gogh
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
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