Hahaha a little joke friendly reader types, but no seriously, Yours Truly has his nose firmly pressed to the grindstones of the computer book. I am recently having my eyes opened to the wonders of interactivity entertainment by Large Son and his games of Haves Life and Quakes III: Area. Those games are just silly action, but I am watching them and thinking to conclusion that maybe if game had a moral they could be a tool for the education of the youths today. I am talking to all the insiders in the computer books stories industry and getting the hottest tips to make the entertainment as interactive as possible.

I have decided to be making a roll playing game with the titles of "Ultimate Real Life Wrestling Quests For Victory" and it teaches the heart, the mind, and the body. Explore a whole new worlds of Tijuana, Mexico, and live the lives of Yours Truly in his adventures inside of the rings and outside of the rings.

"Hello El Pinto Grande," the turtle Rambo is saying to you, "you are nurturing wrestling type for turtle Rambo, who is me. Sometimes you are feeding me pieces of chicken creature left over and at the location of other times you are giving to me hat caterpillars that are infesting the hats throughout all of scenic Mexico. These are no good and I am fed up with the feeding of them to me. I command you to get for me the magical delicious caterpillar that lives in cave which is in valley nearby. It is guarded by the king of the goblins so you are needing to be careful and crafty, skills I am thinking you are having in spade thanks in parts to illustrated wrestling careers."

What is happening next after this part? I am not knowing because YOU are the one who is reading and writing the pages in this computer book adventure! The only thing that is certain as you step into the famous trunks and are walking the miles in my cape is that if you are not headed towards giving 110% at all of the times then your fate is sealed.

I know you are excited with the anticipations of these adventures you can experience, but I am hard at work (or hardly?! Haha!) on this project for the date of TOMORROW. This is being the most exclusive adventure and is only for reader of computer book "Somewhere Awful" and I know it will knock your boots to the clouds.

Greasy's First Worthwhile Contribution

Hey SA fans! This is Ben "Greasnin" Platt here with my first movie review. As the new guy, I wanted to make a good impression from the start, so I decided to tackle the Mt. Everest of the movies that I have on my desk right now, "Mr. Ice Cream Man." I gave it a tackling it won't soon forget. Unfortunately, it reduced me to a blubbering mass of gelatin. The doctors say I should get over the shock, in time. Meanwhile, I want to share the fruits of my labor with you.

I suppose the first red flag should have gone up when I realized that the DVD only had one chapter. The next warning was probably the menu screen, which listed special features that do not actually appear anywhere on the disc. How delightfully saucy. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of how criminally bad this movie is in an introductory paragraph. I have to share the agony of the plot with you all right now, or I will never sleep again.

I knew I was definitely in for a cinematic gem when I realized during the painfully slow title shot of an ice cream van gradually coming closer that the entire movie was shot on a crappy digital camera. I fully expected a little "battery low" sign to appear in the corner of the screen at any moment. It would have been greatly appreciated, as it would have hailed an approaching end to this catastrophe. The ice cream truck looms closer, closer, closer, and then a car starts to come out of a parking lot and nearly hits it. I doubt very much that this was intentional. It's sad to think that was the best take. Maybe in the other takes, the cameraman got mauled by a bear. That would explain some of the camerawork in the movie. The title comes up, and the scene fades to a series of shots of the real focus of this movie - tender young children. I have never seen a movie with such overt overtones of child molestation.

Go read the review, or, if you prefer, take a look at this instead.

– El Pinto Grande (@sexyfacts4u)

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