GMO foods. How does a watermelon grown at the bottom of the ocean sound? That's what Monsanto wants. Reefs of cabbage. They've put Frankenfoods in the ocean. CHECK PLEASE.
Snakes are probably in the ocean somewhere. Why? Because the ocean is a nightmare. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
Salt. Do you have any idea how much of this is in the ocean? Let me put it this way: in the ocean, you can actually die from salt. UMMMM NOPE!
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This Week on Something Awful...
BREAKING NEWS: Stupid Ass Teenager Mortally Injured In Stupid Ass Viral Challenge
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
The Most Misquoted Lines In Movie History
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
There Should Have Been 32 Additional Bonk Sequels, And I Came Up With Titles For All of Them
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
The One Sentence Review Special: More Reviews Than It's Humanly Possible To Read!
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Soul Wars
This box is the Rolls Royce of angry plastic people hitting each other with magic swords
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Help Me, I'm a Mom Who Became Trapped in Trending Headlines and Then It Changed the Way I Thought of Life
- The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman
- Enter: the Lead Loremaster
- Those Assassin's Creed Unity Glitches Aren't Glitches At All
- Neil deGrasse Tyson's Tweets Critiquing the Science Behind "Annabelle"
