"Platza Matter - Scared to Come In?"
Now, I'm not totally opposed to older, historical establishments. I am totally opposed to haunted houses though, because that's where people die to ghosts and vampires. It's not so much that I like people, but its the fact that I really fucking hate ghosts. This is why I really fucking hate Dillon's Russian Steam Bath - and not just because they have a website that also dates back to the late 1800s.
The way they describe & picture it, they want to torture you in the most exquisite ways possible. From raking your soaked body with sharp & harsh toxic tree branches, to the various bacterial & fungal infections you will endure the second you entire the ancient torture chamber. Even the website seems to gloat its Silent Hill-esque nature, what with the jarring music, epilepitic visual effects (the blinking scrolling marquee is an abomination), to the killer dancing anime nuns that will do anything to taste the sweet, delicious nectar of your human blood.
Dillons has been steaming, murdering, and possessing naked people for more than 100 years. If that's your thing, their rates are pretty affordable, and there's a discount for first timers. BUT IT WILL BE YOUR LAST.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.