UltraSonics-America's Secret Police, submitted by James. A Refreshingly absurd and straightforward conspiracy theory imagines a group called the "UltraSonics" who control our minds by using - you guessed it - ultra sonics.
Why do people claim that they have lived in haunted houses? Why do people claim that God has spoken to them? Why do people suddenly and unexpectedly go berserk and commit violent acts possibly with guns? Why do people claim that they are being harassed with mind control devices or radiation weapons? Why do people claim that electronic implants are implanted in their bodies to control them? Why do people claim they were setup by the system and sent to prison? Why do public officials find embarrassing or potentially devastating information about themselves leaked to news media organizations?
He's like a crazy Jerry Seinfeld. Why are muffin tops always so much better than the rest of the muffin? Why is it so hard to find your car in a parking garage? Why are they called the secret police of America when they're ruining the careers of public officials? None of these questions are really answered by the web site. In fact it comes closer to offering an explanation to the muffin tops than it does explaining what exactly the UltraSonics are.
UltraSonics consists of private American citizens that operate above the law.
UltraSonics is a hate group and a terrorist organization.
UltraSonics targets the most vulnerable members of our society, people with mental disabilities.
Okay, I think I've got it. UltraSonics are a terrorist organization who have the secret endorsement of the government and powerful people and have a grudge against the retarded. Makes sense to me! The site has, like all crazy conspiracy sites, a shitload of information with most of it serving to contradict any theories the site's author puts forth.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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