Yiff: The Card Game, submitted by OOPRCT. What's this? Yiff? Card Games? It's all so mysterious sounding, if only there was a clear explanation...
If you're unfamiliar with YTCG, the premise is simple: Yiff! YTCG is a card game in which you and an opponent lay cards down, using modifiers and scenarios in aide to your fur-cards, in hopes to be the first player without fur-cards in your paw. Sort of like speed, but the point being to pair all of your fur-cards in a yiff. Playing the matchmaker to win.
In case you're wondering what the hell that means, you have to look at what it doesn't say: THIS IS A SEX-BASED CARD GAME FOR FILTHY FURRIES! I could go on and on about how psychotic this all is, but simply sending you to the site (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GO TO THIS SITE!!!!) is a better solution. After all, I can't really illustrate my words with pictures of anthropomorphic animals with giant penises erupting like geysers all over the faces of other anthropomorphic animals. Is this a step up or step down from bestiality? As if dressing up as a raccoon for sexual purposes wasn't retarded enough, now people can do that and play a retarded card game at the same time. If human beings can possibly sink to a lower level than this, then it's high time we collectively call it quits and go ahead and detonate all those unused nukes we were saving for a rainy day apocalypse.
The rules to this game are especially frightening, because they contain such wonderful descriptions as this:
Passion (top): This reflects the furs general exhuberance in sexual situations. Are they the proverbial cold lump, or have EMTs been known to show up after your fur takes someone to bed.
Exhibitionism (left): This reflects the ammount of public display the fur enjoys putting on. This ranges from wearing non-revealing clothing to getting a piece in the middle of the park on a sunny day.
Romance (right): This aspect is the fur's suceptability to the more sensual wooings of another fur. Does a fur mate for life, or practically demand their lovers wear name tags.
Kink (bottom): This aspect indicates how much experimentation your fur will initiate. Everything from, bringing their own "tool kit" to "what is this style of dogs of which you speak?"
Hey, guess what, this is probably somebody's magnum opus. If that doesn't make you feel good about the human race, realize once again that each card in this deck of stupidity is lovingly decorated with a drawing of some sort of animal oozing with the misguided sexuality and hopeless desperation of the artist. Again I say that if these people truly feel like animals, then it's time we start shooting and trapping them like animals.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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