SATAN'S RAPTURE the Official Site for ESCAPE 666 Bible Prophecy, submitted by Atrophy. The world's gonna end! We're all gonna die! Don't bother paying off your credit card bills because I doubt any of us have more than 38 seconds to live (starting... NOW!). Pack your shit and cover your heads: THE ANTICHRIST IS COMING AND HE AIN'T TAKING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER!

LIFTING THE VEIL
Alice Bailey, head of Lucius Publishing, is actually headquartered in the UN Building {formerly called, Lucius Trust Publications}. She advocates global "initiation" {666}, a One World Government under the auspices of the UN, and led by spiritual beings known as "The Masters of Wisdom," claimed to have returned to earth.

In her earlier writings, Alice Bailey alluded to a "failed attempt along the Rhine River to bring about This New Age of Lucifer."

In 1982, the United Nations issued their New World "Prayer". This prayer is taken directly from the writing of Alice Bailey and is said to have been given to Mankind by the esoteric, "Christ."

This site has all the standard-issue religious conspiracy nutball crud like how the Pope is the antichrist and how the UN is the antichrist and how the US President is the antichrist and how everybody except the webmaster is the antichrist. If you're currently reading this, then yes, you are probably the antichrist too. I strongly suspect I am the antichrist as well, but I'll have to wait until the tests come back from the laboratory to verify this.

Fortunately, some of us are safe. Anybody blessed enough to live in the United States of America will easily survive the impending holocaust because of the one thing that separates us from the rest of the doomed countries: LOTS OF GUNS.

SATAN WANTS YOUR GUN

Only in America with its 250 million + guns could a substantial resistance be mounted against this Satanic System.

Apparently the only thing preventing ol' Scratch from sweeping in here and torching this planet to the core is the fact that Americans own an awful lot of firearms. I always assumed Satan would be afraid of bullshit mystical crap with goofy names like "The Sacred Dagger of Blessed Mary's Tear" or "Saint Jed's Holy Yarn," not "a stolen Baretta .92FS." The Lord works in mysterious ways, I guess.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.