THE NEW PHYSICS, submitted by eprodigy. My fellow Americans, I'm afraid we're not out of the woods of terror and death yet! There is a new threat looming on the already threat-filled horizon and it promises to destroy us in ways we never imagined! Why did we never imagine these ways? Well, because they defy the very concept of imagination, unless of course your skull is full of crazy worms. Then I imagine this sort of thing comes easy for you.
THE PLAN TO BEGIN THE VIGOROUS AND CONFIDENT APPLICATION OF THIS KNOWLEDGE AND TECHNOLOGY BY, WITHIN AND AGAINST THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ON ENLARGED SCALE BEGAN JULY 28, 1999 (the world-wide hallucination was "empowered" -meaning that your fantasy (as per the reds, not the blues in the peculiar election of 2004) world is "valid." for a brief time.) THIS CELESTIAL EVENT WAS EFFECTED BY THE END OF AUGUST, THAT YEAR, WITH THE CONCURRENT INSINUATION OF CONDITIONS CRIPPLING TO USA ECONOMY AND GLOBAL STABILITY SOON THEREAFTER.
I'm afraid this plan could work, because as far as I can tell, there is no way to even understand what this plan is and therefore guard against it. It involves "New Physics" and what appears to be lots and lots of brain-exploding inspired nuttiness. As a precaution, I've already surrendered some of my personal freedoms for temporary safety.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.