THE NEW PHYSICS, submitted by eprodigy. My fellow Americans, I'm afraid we're not out of the woods of terror and death yet! There is a new threat looming on the already threat-filled horizon and it promises to destroy us in ways we never imagined! Why did we never imagine these ways? Well, because they defy the very concept of imagination, unless of course your skull is full of crazy worms. Then I imagine this sort of thing comes easy for you.
THE PLAN TO BEGIN THE VIGOROUS AND CONFIDENT APPLICATION OF THIS KNOWLEDGE AND TECHNOLOGY BY, WITHIN AND AGAINST THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ON ENLARGED SCALE BEGAN JULY 28, 1999 (the world-wide hallucination was "empowered" -meaning that your fantasy (as per the reds, not the blues in the peculiar election of 2004) world is "valid." for a brief time.) THIS CELESTIAL EVENT WAS EFFECTED BY THE END OF AUGUST, THAT YEAR, WITH THE CONCURRENT INSINUATION OF CONDITIONS CRIPPLING TO USA ECONOMY AND GLOBAL STABILITY SOON THEREAFTER.
I'm afraid this plan could work, because as far as I can tell, there is no way to even understand what this plan is and therefore guard against it. It involves "New Physics" and what appears to be lots and lots of brain-exploding inspired nuttiness. As a precaution, I've already surrendered some of my personal freedoms for temporary safety.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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