Pathetic Inc., submitted by me.
As soon as I saw this incredible webcomic I knew that I had to thank the author by throwing as much cash his way as humanly possible. Luckily, he makes a profit by selling t-shirts featuring jokes that are right up my alley, with "dees nuts" references and the equally groundbreaking proclamation that pirates and ninjas are cool! I can not wait for the "I'm Rick James, bitch!" shirt to go on sale in seven years. It's like someone travelled a thousand years into the future and collected the absolute funniest jokes mankind had created throughout the course of that timespan, then hit his head really hard on the journey back.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
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