Neglected Mario Characters, submitted by Sultan Kinkari.
Great works of fiction often rely on extensive casts of characters. Each character, be they major or minor, contributes to the rich tapestry of the work in some way, and thus each character is indispensable. Super Mario Brothers is not a great work of fiction; its characters range from offensive Italian stereotypes to misogynist portrayals of helpless damsels, and none of them are fleshed out much beyond the color of their jumpsuit. Basically, every character in Super Mario Brothers is totally dispensable (in fact, they often dispense Pez).
But the idiot who runs this site clearly feels differently. His nerve-wracking eyesore of a site contains extensive biographies of all the “neglected” characters in the Super Mario universe, as well as side-splitting webcomics about them. Behold:
Please, I beg of you, do not be like this guy. If you start paying undue attention to Super Mario Brothers, just head that crap off at the pass with some refreshing self-mutilation before it turns into some kind of idiotic internet hobby.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
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