Suburban Goth, submitted by Sean. It's nice to see the goth community expanding its horizons. It used to be that you'd only see teenagers in suburbs as goths. Now there are housewives! Hooray! The woman who made the page "Suburban Goth" is just your average mother. She does yardwork, takes care of her kids, and PRAYS TO THE DARK LORD SUCCUBUS, TAKE MY ETERNAL SOUL TO DO AS YOU WILL. She's like the Blondie of the gothic community, living with her dark, evil husband Daggerwood.
Dressing consistantly in black flowing clothing in a middle class, new suburban neighborhood gives one that giddy and pretentious feeling of being the "outsider", like when you were the first in high school to shave the sides of your head and spray the rest into a teased gravity defying mess.
Wow, apparently Goths CAN do something useful: manual labor! I say we petition congress to repeal the emancipation proclamation and allow the enslavement of goths. Well either that or we fucking hit each and every one of them with whiskey bottles.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.