Christian BDSM (Thanks Spooner) - Christians have long been missing out on the joys of BDSM, but thankfully some guy on the Internet is going to change that. He's tearing off a chunk of the secular BDSM world's skin, polishing it up, and giving it to Christians. Turns out BDSM is A-OKAY if you're a Christian, just so long as it involves a married couple and the female is always submissive. So get out those whips and chains and enjoy some good old fashioned God-sanctioned ball-gagging and anal torture. If you still have questions, this inexplicable FAQ should clear everything up:

What should a Christian dominant think about his submissive?

A Christian dominant should think of his submissive the same way that God thinks of her. Again using myself as an example, I believe that my submissive is my "treasured possession" just as God called Israel His "treasured possession" (Exodus 19:4-6)

I don't even want to try to comprehend this.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.