"Why elves? You'd be surprised how often we're asked this question!" Actually, after looking at pictures of Elvendrums, you won't be surprised about any blunt inquiry these pointy-eared, poofy-sleeved ye olde assclowns might face. Elvendrums launches into an explanation that ranges from Santa Claus to Snow White, from Keebler to cobblers. "As elves, we identify with the elves of lore," they write. But whereas the elves of lore brought people gifts, fixed their shoes, and baked butter cookies with fudge creme filling, thus winning the hearts of common folk, Elvendrums performs the far less charming task of combining fruity Celtic music with obnoxious tribal rhythms.
At this site, you can test your crap tolerance by streaming albums with names like Gateway to Faerie, gape at people who obviously looked goofy even before they started wearing Latex appendages, and scan the group's schedule for avoidance purposes (though because Elvendrums exclusively plays Renaissance Faires and "World of Fairy" festivals, it's pretty much impossible for any undeserving victims to be ambushed by their percussive barrage).
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.