"In these tough economic times" might be the most common sentence-opening clause of 2009, but for all the millions of times it's been used, it's probably never been followed by "novelty T-shirts are more essential than ever!" Yet Recession Junction figures underemployed Americans are willing to laugh at their plights -- and pay for the privilege. The site's useless stock includes Possum Sauce "for the Roadkill Connoisseur," spoiled pasta that comes with the disclaimer "Gag gift, do NOT consume!" Inedible food might be the stupidest thing on which someone could conceivably spend their savings, unless the "401K Firestarter" (a certificate that says "401K" on it that's presumably printed on flammable paper) for $7.95 represents an even more egregious investment. Anyone dumb enough to buy Recession Junction products probably made similarly idiotic financial decisions in the past, which is why they find themselves in the dire, squalorous conditions about which they're desperately trying to jest.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.