Morgellons is a disease that makes you sit around and post on the Internet all day about Morgellons. That's pretty much it. If anyone ever tells you he has Morgellons you can rest assured he spends four or more hours each day posting on sites like "morgellonssufferers.com" or "thishairgrowingfrommeisnotmine.org".
Speaking of hair, Morgellons sufferers like to believe mysterious, painful fibers erupt from their skin. Because of this bizarre claim they have been labeled as insane methamphetamine addicts. The New Morgellons Order aims to change this. By making several insightful posts on - gasp - the Internet, the reader quickly learns that Morgellons sufferers aren't insane methheads. They're insane methheads who couldn't pick out a good design template if the CIA kidnapped their children and plugged a spy satellite into their foreheads. They know because this has happened.
Especially interesting at New Morgellons Order (whose header is misspelled) is the "Quotes from 'experts'" secition. Alongside several interesting arguments against leading anti-Morgellons experts, we're treated to the persuasive powers of the animated GIF. For instance, are you inclined to believe the opinions of...
A SNAKE WOMAN?!?
Then how about A MAN WHOSE HEAD SHAKES AT RANDOM?!?
Alright, then, what about A MAN WHOSE HEAD TURNS INTO A BABY BLOCK?!?
Certainly a MAN WHO TURNS INTO DARTH VADER will show you the light!!!
No? Then you see my point. Morgellons is a serious disease with serious ramifications. Especially for people who don't believe it exists. Watch your back, Mr. Eight Years Of Medical Training - they might as well have named ImageReady "The Great Equalizer". How much are your opinions worth when YOUR EYES TURN RED AND A BAT FLIES OUT OF YOUR EAR?! That's what I thought, "doctor".
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.