Morgellons is a disease that makes you sit around and post on the Internet all day about Morgellons. That's pretty much it. If anyone ever tells you he has Morgellons you can rest assured he spends four or more hours each day posting on sites like "morgellonssufferers.com" or "thishairgrowingfrommeisnotmine.org".
Speaking of hair, Morgellons sufferers like to believe mysterious, painful fibers erupt from their skin. Because of this bizarre claim they have been labeled as insane methamphetamine addicts. The New Morgellons Order aims to change this. By making several insightful posts on - gasp - the Internet, the reader quickly learns that Morgellons sufferers aren't insane methheads. They're insane methheads who couldn't pick out a good design template if the CIA kidnapped their children and plugged a spy satellite into their foreheads. They know because this has happened.
Especially interesting at New Morgellons Order (whose header is misspelled) is the "Quotes from 'experts'" secition. Alongside several interesting arguments against leading anti-Morgellons experts, we're treated to the persuasive powers of the animated GIF. For instance, are you inclined to believe the opinions of...
A SNAKE WOMAN?!?
Then how about A MAN WHOSE HEAD SHAKES AT RANDOM?!?
Alright, then, what about A MAN WHOSE HEAD TURNS INTO A BABY BLOCK?!?
Certainly a MAN WHO TURNS INTO DARTH VADER will show you the light!!!
No? Then you see my point. Morgellons is a serious disease with serious ramifications. Especially for people who don't believe it exists. Watch your back, Mr. Eight Years Of Medical Training - they might as well have named ImageReady "The Great Equalizer". How much are your opinions worth when YOUR EYES TURN RED AND A BAT FLIES OUT OF YOUR EAR?! That's what I thought, "doctor".
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
Denzel is here to set the movie scales back to zero. That's what an equalizer does, right?
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.