Tumbling Twins (Thanks Devonaut) – Most of the time when I write about Awful Links I do so begrudgingly. I've seen so many bad websites that they all run together to form a horrible smear of perversion, idiocy, delusion, and everything else wrong with mankind. I curse Richard Kyanka's name defiantly each time I am forced to view a website for some Russian conspiracy theorist or weirdo with a fetish so needlessly complex it is impossible to comprehend.
The Tumbling Twins site, however, makes me laugh hysterically.
This is the kind of crazy we need more of. Some people paint pictures, some people spend hours writing dozens of stories about their doll collection, giving each soulless piece of plastic a unique fantasy personality. I can only imagine the site author is the doll equivalent of some crazy cat lady, or perhaps a creepy dude with a sex offender mustache and a collection of sweaters fit for a woman going through menopause.
The stories are made 100 times better with the aid of terrible, creepy photographs of the dolls posed on beaches, in front of candy machines, and front yards. It's a unsettling journey into the uncanny valley of the dolls, with little plastic girls acting out scenes that range from the mundane to the magical. It's horrible and ridiculous and hilarious all the same.
And if you want to get to know these exciting dolls, you can read their biographies and get to know each fake miniature girl. For example, the doll named Chandler has no hobbies, but she is a member of "The Kissy Kate Klub." Darling Paige dabbles in alchemy while Dawn is a filthy hippy. It's all so fascinating.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.