Remember back in the 90's when the internet first started to become "a thing" and people had all these grandiose visions of it revolutionizing education and communication and ushering in some kind of Jetsons-esque futuristic age of human learning and interaction and whatnot?
Yeah, that obviously didn't happen. This is because shortly after someone came up with that rather ill-fated utopian vision, someone else realized that the internet was actually better suited to storing videos of women pooping into a cup and eating it and hosting forums where people talk about how much they love to dress up in skunk costumes and fuck each other in the butthole. Humans, you see, tend to view technological achievements through the lens of how much it will improve their ability to jack off to weird shit.
There are, however, a few remaining bastions of that original internet dream floating around out there and frankly, if they're any indication of how banal and asinine the internet would have been had it evolved into some kind of futuristic education tool rather than a fap aid, then for the first time in my life I must seriously say "thank god for scat porn and furries".
Case in point, ExpertVillage which proves conclusively that "those can, do; those who can't do, teach; those who can neither do nor teach, post on YouTube". ExpertVillage is a YouTube channel with a bunch of... I don't know. I don't know if these are supposed to be self-help videos or what. All I know is that they're hilariously terrible and there are, as of the writing of this,138,566 videos.
"Surely," you say, "there must be at least a FEW decent videos, given the sheer number". And to that, I say "Yes. Yes there are good videos. In fact, it could be argued that ALL of them are good at answering questions and solving problems. The only problem is, they answer questions and solve problems that NO ONE ACTUALLY HAS".
For example: "How to play sloppy-ass drums by an IRL neanderthal who has clearly only been playing for 2 weeks".
"How to clean an LCD monitor as taught by a guy who tries to be funny for 2 minutes and then just tells you to read the manual".
"How to dress your self like a big boy/girl".
"How to mock YouTube videos while somehow managing to be even less funny than AwfulVision".
"The Vaginaphobe's guide to how to never ever get laid ever in your whole life no matter what happens with your host, A Literal Heroin Addict".
"How to..." OH COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
"How to brainwash your children".
(Fun Fact: water can also be used to teach atheism to kids. Step one: find a kid. Step two: Ask them "'Water' you doing wasting your life worshiping a magic sky wizard that likes to watch you poop?". Step three: forever.)
"How to vacuum turds out of someone's butt or something".
"How to drink and taste things AT THE SAME TIME".
"How to tell if you've shat some snot out of your twat".
"How to be a total fucking alcoholic and ruin your next Christmas party".
"How to be less of an autistic manchild than the rest of your D&D group".
"How to abuse animals in the most fratboy douchetard way possible".
"How to share boring personal anecdotes from your soulless corporate dead end job and disguise it as a self-help video".
"How to be a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT and slather your bacon in mayonaise while it's still alive".
"How to be trolled into talking about your daddy issues by your cameraman".
and finally, "How to go to YouTub dot com".
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!