In my inaugural edition of AwfulVision, I wrote about a video entitled "Babs and the Shoe Inspector". In that article, I speculated that at some point, we as humans evolved beyond merely getting turned on by actual sex, and had to start jerking off to weirder and weirder shit to keep ourselves interested lest the human race die out because men can't get boners anymore.
WHYWell, apparently evolution occurs in leaps and bounds sometimes because this week we have a video even more devoid of godliness and merit: "fat girl farting". Before we begin, I'd like to point out that this video was actually uploaded by someone else. Yes, the girl in the video did not actually upload this. Somewhere on this planet there is someone who actually really gets off on morbidly obese women farting. If any of you know who this man is, please send him a bus ticket to my house so I can punch him right in the fucking mouth for being such a goddamn failure at life.
Okay, so on to the video. Apparently this video features "Miss Mina" who fancies herself a BBW. Scientists and scholars have long pondered what "BBW" actually means; I have my own threory wherein the "W" stands for whale or warthog, case depending, and the B's stand for the sound my gun makes as it propels enough bullets into my skull to hopefully ensure I never have to watch this video again.Dial 1-900-PUX-A-LOT and kick those nasty barfs. 36-24-36? Only if she's 2'1"!
As you might expect, the more I write this article, the more jaded I become. Still, part of me was scratching and clinging for any hope I could find that this video wasn't real. "Maybe they edited in the fart sounds!", "Maybe she accidentally fats and it's a blooper or something!". No dice. Miss Mina loves to fucking fart. Jesus fucking Christ, I am literally at a loss. I can't... I just can't understand it. HOW?! How is this sexyyyhiahaihrpuh OH GOD SEND HELP I THINK I AM HAVING A STROKE.
Editors Note - We regret to inform you all that Seth "Occupy Japan" Bailey has succumbed to a fatal stress-induced brain hemorrhage. This article will be concluded by YouTuber "Fatgirlsruleforever". Our thoughts go out to Seth's family and we hope that the change in writing style isn't noticeable at all.
hi this is fatgirlsruleforever i lvoe big fat fartz comin outta big fat fartin buttholes tha fatter the butthole the better i love it when a fat girl farts in my apartment and it stains my couch and kills my cat i love the kind of fat girl fart that causes my apartment complex 2 be condemned hahaha i have never had sex but i would love 2 lose my v-card to a fartin fatty that farts while i fuck her if u are fat and like 2 far pllz send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org thank u very muhc
fartin fatty love corner lol™
"now that's what I'm talking about!"
" i would smell that... please post more"
" Damm niggah!!!
She farts like a Union Longshoreman!"
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!