At Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom: a furry bitching and moaning at the poor attendants because they wouldn't let him wear his goddamned fox tail on the inverted coaster.
When my friend and I went to Cedar Point a few years ago, we had the pleasure of dealing with a woman who obvious didn't pay attention to anything. So, at the top of one of the major water rides there, that produces a huge splash, not only for those on the boat-like thing, but also on a bridge, a woman asked us right before we were about to go over the hill, if you would in fact get wet on this ride.
I just loved the people that would bring children of all ages to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Orlando. I really don't think a 3 year old is going to get much out of that other than nightmares. There would be parents holding their screaming, sobbing child up at us and shouting "Scare him! Ha ha!" The smell of beer from their breath would linger for a good 30 seconds. Have fun at therapy, kid.
I saw a kid with his head stuck between two bars of an iron fence at Disney World.
That same trip I saw a Japanese family in which the dad was filming the kids playing in the dirt while his wife snapped pictures of the dad filming.
I actually just got off work at a Cedar Fair park. I worked there last year too, and until this year, we had the most ridiculous looking uniforms. They were yellow and blue polo shirts, diagonally. Horrendous. Being where we are, I get my fair share of hicks, rednecks and meth-heads that want to get into the park. I worked in an extra-pay attraction last year, and prices were 30 for one person, 40 for two and 45 for three. People would constantly try to get on without paying and then argue about the prices with the people who actually worked there.
Of course, the worst was when I saw a woman with no teeth eat potato chips. I can't think about it.
Working here has made me never want to visit an amusement park again.
At Disney World I was in the bathroom stall doing my business when suddenly I hear a man enter, running. He goes to the stall next to mine and KICKS the door open, like how you would try to break down a door during a fire. He yells at the top of his lungs "IT'S SHITTIN' TIME!".
I am baffled and amused in my stall, trying not to burst out laughing. When I leave, his stall is closed and I can't get a look at the mystery man. Outside I crack up laughing and tell everyone. It's since become an inside joke in my family.
Really though, I can't say that guy was a failure of humanity, because anyone that can mange to be that excited over taking a shit is definitely a happier man than I.
Pharaoh's Lost Kingdom in San Bernardino.
I prefer to call that place Ghetto's Lost Kingdom.
The worst trash visits that place. Gangbangers, white trash, etc. A few summers ago, I stupidly made the mistake of going there for the water park. This was my second, and last visit to that place.
The wife and I played a game...who could count the most tatoo's in a 30 minute time span. I believe the final tally was over three digits long. One of the most disturbing tattoos I saw was someone who expressed her hatred for a friend that cheated on her boyfriend. It said something along the line of "Fuck Jennifer, she is a whore for sleeping with my man"
Yes ladies and gents, she tattood that message on her shoulder.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.