DDoSing can't keep us down for long! However, it can keep us down for exactly one day, and as such, welcome to a special Wednesday edition of the Comedy Goldmine. Today, our cadre of people who are too smart to write for VICE take a look into the depths of the car dealership scene!

pig slut lisa

artisanal car dealership with locally sourced engine parts

pig slut lisa

hole-in-the-wall car dealership with a lot of character

City of Glompton

molecular automony dealership selling deconstructed classic cars. the presentation is beautiful but you'd never guess what you're getting if it weren't for the menu.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN

No, no, it's a small portion dealership. Jim got the dip stick(his favorite) and I was feeling adventurous so I tried the negative side wiring harness. We've been going there for so long that I don't think that I could even drive an entire car nowadays.

pig slut lisa

a collection of quirky, colorful car-carrier trucks that gather around the public square at lunch time

HighwireAct

a local car dealership adopts the “lego island” style and lets customers pick and choose their own organic parts to be wrapped up in a warm metal body

pig slut lisa

speakeasy style car dealership: gotta know the password to be let in, and even then there's a whole secret menu of better cars

alnilam

All the recent dealerships that went up in my area have simple one word names like "wheel"

HighwireAct

dealr: an up-and-coming dealership startup that sends one artisanally-crafted car part a month to subscribers, each packaged in an engraved cedar crate

pig slut lisa

revolving car dealership on the top floor of the tallest building in town. the cars aren't that great, if we're being completely honest, but the views make up for it.

misty mountaintop

Dealer's Market: dozens of stalls full of homemade cars and parts. Third Wednesday of every month, out in front of city hall.

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