Reclusive mathematician Tristian Soob returns with his twelfth work of science fiction, Penitence of the Star Moons, an impenetrable multi-layered theory-bomb of a novel.
Star Moons opens with a remarkable 256-page chapter detailing the effects on a postcard of what Soob describes as an "anti-vacuum" before introducing the lead character Hilbert Spaces, an illiterate cyborg who the author only describes by calculating his mass in incredibly intrusive footnotes every four pages.
Hilbert's peaceful life working at a Reality Bank is shattered when he is challenged by his mirror-self to solve the 512 Cophasm Theorems, lest he blink out of existence in just six days. Hilbert endeavors to do this by undergoing a series of "Wetgrade Implants" that severely fuck any strand of sense that remained in the story. Soob once again ends one of his novels with 600 pages of non-sensical graphs and pie charts.
It should be noted that at no point in the story is any character particularly "penitent," nor does Soob at any point describe anything that could be called a "Star Moon."
Call Your Grandma
Dog Toggle Switch
When the world is threatened by nefarious forces from the wicked nether realm of the Otherverse, there's only one person to call: Chen Gilbert, Martial-Artist Magician from the Middle-East. No problem's too big for Chen and his elite commando squad, the Fighting Charlemagnes. Whether it be radical communist dragons or undead fighter pilots from beyond the grave, Chen Gilbert will be there to deliver a fireball karate chop to the face of any villain foolish enough to battle.... THE KUNG-FU WIZARD COMMANDO OF ARABIA!
Warm und Fuzzy
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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