In Seattle, I was entering the Amtrak station when I happened upon a homeless man loudly praying to his hat. He had it perched on this pedestal thing. It was a regular old ball cap that had "Jesus" embroidered on it, with a bunch of little buttons and pins. He spoke in gibberish. I dug through my bag to get out my camera, but he finished before I could get my camera out, so all i got was a photo of his "altar".
When I worked at a vet a woman brought a kitten it with half of his tail missing. The cat didn't care much but the woman was freaking out. She had the piece of tail left - a little black inch-long fuzz with a long white string on it.
She held it up, crying, "Stupido el GATO! STUPIDO EL GATO! KITTY HIT ITS HEAD!" over and over. She wasn't even Hispanic. I was laughing so hard I was crying and when she asked what the white string was and my co-worker told her it was part of the spine I laughed even harder.
In Union Square in New York I saw an anorexic-skinny black guy in nothing but short-shorts and 80s-style high-top sneakers, slowly jogging laps around the park. He had full drag queen makeup on his face and had written across his back in green glitter, I GIVE ORAL EXAMS.
Also in New York, two bums having a shoving match about which one of them was worse off. I couldn't really understand most of what they were saying, but I heard one say 'Well, at least you have a box to sit in!'. Every time one guy said something, he'd shove the other by the shoulders, and then just stand and wait for the response and counter-shove. If they had been more intelligible, I would've suspected that it was some sort of strange performance art rather than an actual dispute.
I saw a black midget with dreadlocks riding a skateboard. He looked old but was tearing shit up as he grinded by me as I walked into work.
Nice to start the day with a good laugh.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.