Pirates have long been a boon for the advertising industry. Who could forget the delightful Captain Crunch, or the villainous Long John Silver, or the filthy wife beater, the Gorton's Fisherman? Pirates send a powerful message to people, which is to avoid scurvy. Apparently, it also carries a second, secret message to buy the product they're shilling. This advertising technique is best evidenced by the most in your face pirate mascot of all, Captain Morgan. He tears back the pages of the magazine you're reading, just to show you what a great time you would be having if you were drunk. Well, drunk and attractive. Any mascot that's willing to ruin MY magazine is cool by me, but unfortunately the advertisements don't really show the true fun of Spiced Rum. Thankfully, the Forum Goons decided to change that. Check it out, G!

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.