Hey Something Awful fans, and welcome to the new section of the site - The Goldmine. We have a lot of people that read this site, but what many of them don't know is that, aside from the main page, there's a wealth of comedy gold to be found on our forums. So from now on, to put a spotlight on the beauty of the Awful Forums and the thousands of goons within, we're going to be posting highlights from our archives. Coincidentally, our archives are called "The Goldmine," so it works out! Hope you guys enjoy. And if you do, why not register and account? This stuff is only a small sample of what the forums have to offer. It's truly the lost city of gold! Wait, no, that's El Dorado.
Anyhow, for the first topic, I chose a thread started by forum member "egg." Sick and tired of not finding what we truly need in stores, he took matters into his own hands. With wacky results*!
*Results may vary.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.