Work Friend Keven
(Jason punches a mans head off and the head lands in a trash bin, which then slams shut) (I walk from the shadows behind the bin doing a slow clap) real nice Jase... but if you're done warming up I'm going to kick your ass.
Work Friend Keven
Freddy Kruger? This is a nightmare then... I fear nothing more than wasting my skills on pathetic, weak opponents. *sighs* very well...
In Training
[saunters up to the pedestal with the gold statue on it and easily replaces it with a similarly weight bag of dirt without even hesitating]
Work Friend Keven
(My first punch to the terminator blows his entire face off, revealing its metal skull) ah... for the first time in 10 years I can fight without holding back.. don't break too easily!
Lumpy the Cook
[suddenly, independently recognizes the Matrix is an illusion and flies into the sky] Wow, you guys really thought this could trick me? The human eye naturally sees at 30 frames a second and anything more than that looks artificial.
Work Friend Keven
IRon Man: When this is all over, I'm going to take you guys out for shawarma
Me: I actually have reservations for the Momofuku Ko today so... yeah... no.
Jenny Agutter
Tyler Durden: ...Never been in a fight. You?
Me: Yes. Dozens.
Tyler Durden: oh
Charles Bukowski
Tyler Durden: "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
Me: "No.. No you don't my friend."
Work Friend Keven
Alien: Look at my shit! Look at my shit! This is... my.. this is my dark tanning oil, lay out by the Pool
Me: That's actually not a big deal to me. I could also have tanning oil exactly like that if I wanted it, which I don't.
The Lobotomy Kid
[I shake my head ruefully as The Cloverfield Monster struggles to untangle itself from a set of powerlines. The guy with the camera tries to start filming, but I smack it out of his hand.]
Me: the quality of your footage would be worse than nothing. I have a much nicer camera that I use in my spare time, but I left it at home.
Work Friend Keven
Blake: as you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
Me: excuse me... I actually work in the IT department and as a result make a very decent salary with no need for the pressure of sales, and actually I have technical knowledge which far exceeds yours. If I wanted something as childish as a Cadillac, I could easily afford one. But I'm mostly into drones these days.
Blake: My mistake sir. Could you please direct me to the sales floor?
Lumpy the Cook
*simply walks into Mordor*
–
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Sea of Thieves: Reduced the number of quest types from 3 to 2
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