Act casual... don't let them know you know they're watching... just read the article... be sure to click on a few ads... credit as always goes to the SA Forum posters...

cda

Me: I'd like to order a pizza.

Me: Make it an extra large meat lovers.

Me: Ok, now can you bring three pizza boxes.

Me: I need the thrill of the hunt.

evergate

please fbi, don't tap my morse code wire, bro. you messed up a complete sentence. not cool. 

cda

I added a third thing to my morse code: squiggle. The FBI is working overtime to decrypt my communications.

cda

The FBI is listening to my microwave.

FBI: We think he's using some kind of code. First he says "Mmm, I can't wait to eat this Hot Pocket" and then there's a scream of pain. He does it every night at 9:30 PM.

nobodygetshurt

It's usually just noises of gunfire and fax machines.

Vynar

All of the government agencies are wiretapping me. As are all of the branches of the military, local police, coast guard, and amazon dot com. Imagine the raging party I came home to when all of their agents accidentally showed up to wiretap me at the same time. They drank all my beer and clogged all of my toilets. I am now completely out of doritos. Oh well I guess I can have the amazon guy order me some more.

FutonForensic

FBI LOGS: FutonForensic

02.28.2017.14.38: [Inbound call] Hello? [4 sec. pause] Oh sorry, I think you have the wrong number. No problem. Bye. Sorry.

NO OTHER CALLS ON LOG

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2017 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.