Johnny’s Sauna Adventure, inspired by The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest, written by HAMBURGER!!!!!1.Johnny and Hadji slipped into Dr. Quest's sauna. He usually got upset when the boys used the sauna without his permission, but he was away for the weekend, and after the most recent battle with the devilish Ezekiel Rage, they agreed that they needed a little R&R.
The glass door shut tightly behind them, and condensation slowly hid them away from any prying eyes.
"Ezekiel Rage is not my cup of curry," said Hadji.
Johnny laughed and said, "Hadji, you silly savage. Will you ever--" He was cut off and glanced down at his nubile body, which was by this point glistening with sweat. He and Hadji were wearing nothing but towels, and from the creases in Johnny’s it was clear that he had become sexually excited.
Johnny’s cheeks flushed, but Hadji just smiled and said, "It's alright, Johnny. In my culture, we take it as a compliment. Here, be proud of what you are." He slipped Johnny’s towel down, exposing his penis. Johnny had a tendency to be much more advanced than his peers, and in puberty he was no exception. Although just a boy, below the belt he seemed to be much more than a man.
"Oh, my," said Hadji. "That's quite impressive!" He stared down at his bare feet for a moment, and then looked Johnny in the eye. His glance wavered, however, as he stuttered, "Can... can I touch it?"
"Well, I guess so," said Johnny. "I don't see what harm it could do." Hadji placed his small hand on Johnny’s proud member and Johnny groaned. Hadji immediately withdrew his hand, but Johnny reassured him, "No, no. I liked it. Please, put it back."
Hadji put his hand back on Johnny’s erection, and then tightened his grip and began to stroke it. Johnny once more began to moan in ecstasy, but this time it made Hadji go faster. After a few minutes, Hadji got down on his knees and took Johnny’s rigid cock into his mouth. Before too long, however, Johnny reached down and stopped his bobbing head.
"No, no! This isn't right!" As Hadji began to pull back, Johnny grasped his hand. With his free hand, Johnny pulled Hadji's towel away. The one covering his bottom half. "You haven't had yours yet," he said.
He began to stroke Hadji's uncircumcised penis and then bent over in front of him. "It's okay, Hadj," he said. "I've seen this in some movies my dad keeps in his sock drawer. Go ahead. Put it inside me."
"But, Mr. Johnny!" Hadji refused.
"No, Hadj. I WANT it inside me."
Hadji mounted Johnny and began thrusting, deeper and deeper each time, as Johnny screamed with passion. Suddenly, there was a noise outside the door, and Hadji froze.
"No, no, it's okay! It's probably just Bandit, anyway," Johnny moaned. "Please, keep going!"
But then, the door opened and Race Bannon walked in. He was completely nude, and his bronzed body shown in the light that came from beyond the doorway, making him look like a Greek god.
"You boys are in a lot of trouble!" he screamed. Before they could begin to try and explain, he held up his hand for silence. "You started without me."
He mounted Hadji and pounded away, as Hadji reinserted himself into Johnny, and then reached around to stroke Johnny’s hard cock.
Eventually, all three orgasmed at once, and fell to the floor. Then Bandit came in and began licking away at Johnny’s fading erection.
"Oh, Bandit," said Race. "You're too late!"
They all laughed, and hugged each other, then walked out of the sauna holding hands.
Johnny Quest was now a man.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.