The Most Devious Game Master, inspired by Captain N: The Game Master, written by Phil Connors.PART 1 "That's IT!" exclaimed Mother Brain has Dr. Wily unveiled his newest creation, the android version of Mike Vincent, childhood pal of Kevin Keene. "Finally we have someone to rival the strength of Captain N" Wily said, as he activated the android. As soon as he was switched on, the android went haywire, swinging his arms around and hitting anything in its path. "What in the world is going on with that thing of yours, Wily!" Mother Brain shouted. "I have no idea, I must not have all the bugs worked out of his circuits yet!" he snapped, trying to get control of his creation. It was too late for the Eggplant Wizard though, Mike grabbed the wizard and forced him down to the ground. Undoing the button on his tight pants, the android unleashed his game master to the awe of Mother Brain and even King Hippo, he bent the Wizard over and plunged his 10 inches of (literally) steel deep into Eggplant's unsuspecting anus and continued with massive thrusts for 20 minutes until Wily was finally able to remotely deactivate the sexually unstoppable creature. Eggplant was stuck in the same position for the rest of the day. The next day Wily unveiled his Frankenstein yet, with much better results. "Speak." Wily commanded as he switched it on for the second time. "I will serve you well, masters." he said as he slid his new zapper into its holster and left the room. "See," Wily started "good as new, shouldn't have any more incidents like before." "Good" The Eggplant Wizard said, rubbing his backside in pain still.PART 2 Kevin and Princess Lana were busy going at it as usual, being extra naughty this time as the princess was tied up and blindfolded. They were interrupted by a ringing at the door. "FUCK, Don't worry princess I'll get it." He said as he slid his pants back on and went towards the door. As Eggplant and King Hippo, dressed as TV repairmen, were dealing with Kevin, Princess Lana was squirming around when she heard a noise in the room." "Kev...is that you?" As Mike switched his voice adapter to sound like Kevin he responded "yes honey." "Please hurry and get back inside of me." The fake Game Master quickly accepted her offer and climbed into bed and entered her. "OH KEVIN" Lana shouted as she slammed herself against her new partners staggering size. He had to put his hand over her mouth so Kevin would not hear, not like it would be a problem, he was in a daze anyway, he thought as he continued to pummel her pussy. Lana gasped for air as she fought to undo her bonds so as to grab tight her lover, but to no avail. She came 4 times before he "artificially inseminated" the princess. Climbing off of her he slowly slid out of the room just as a still dazed Kevin came in to see his lovely girl satisfied. "Oh Kevin, you were terrific." she gasped out as she heard him in the room again. "Yeah uh... I guess I was, thanks". Kevin got back in bed but could not sleep, what was he going to do about his childhood bully back to haunt him.PART 3 The next day, Kevin and the team receive a distress call from Mike, and have to head off to Castlevania, Kevin still can't believe it, but is ready to come along anyway. "Wow! Me rescuing mean Mike Vincent. What a concept!" he says as they get ready to warp off. Mike greets them right off by turning on them and capturing Lana, "I got your girl, Kevin, just like the good ole days" he said, as he gave her a kiss. The N team is captured and taken to Mother Brains lair and tied up. "You won't get away with this Mother Lame!" Kevin shouts. King Hippo delivers a right cross to shut him up as Mother Brain begins to speak. MB tells all about how Mike is not real and was made from Kevin's memory. "But I'm more real than that" Mike starts to say. "I bet I can beat you in a race to Count Dracula's room in Castlevania." "Alright, you're on." Kevin says. "VERY WELL" Mother Brain interrupts, "but first a little fun. Bring the princess to me, and undo her royal robes." Lana gasped as a large dildo, as large as 2 feet long, emerged from Mother Brain's innards. Mother Brain plunged the unreal device inside Lana's warm, pleasing insides. Meanwhile. Dr. Wily undid his scientists’ jacket and instructed Mega Man to suck his mega cock, Mega Man took 2 inches in at first and Wily forced his head all the way down his 7 inches. He gagged and froze his circuits up. King Hippo forcefully threw Simon down and proceeded to jab and thrust into Belmont's cursed asshole. The Eggplant Wizard sat in the corner and fiddled with his plant and he watched all of this go on. After hours of evil satisfaction, Mike was ready to go and so he and Kevin warped off.PART 4 Kevin raced through Castlevania, singing "Thriller" along to himself as if it were playing in the background until he reached the Counts room, the Count surprises Kevin by pushing him out of a window. Mike comes in and zaps Dracula with his zapper and he falls back into his coffin. "Well, well well. Just like old times Kevin, I win again" He declares victoriously. "Mike, wait.. I know you aren't all bad. Like the time we dressed up like girls at that party and made out. Or the time we shared each other at the drive in movies.. Mike, please." Circuits in the all too real android begin to act up and Mike decides that is only best if he rescued his dear old friend and worked together to fight Mother Brain. Plus he jut had to get inside that sweet ass again. Mike helped Kevin out and then asked him to bend over Dracula's coffin. "Don't worry, I've shut him up for now." Mike said to a worried Kevin. "O..ok Mike, just be carefully back there, I've seen your size before." "Haha, I will, don't worry you'll only feel the good in this." and with that Mike gently guided his NES Max stick into his old friend's tight asshole, just like old times. "Oh Mike, it's just like I remember it" Kevin shouted as he reached around to grab his partner. Hours later, after lying around, running his fingers through Mike's hair, Kevin is reminded that they should be getting back. "We should get out of here before this guy wakes back up, and before people start to worry." "OK, friend." Mike says as they hold hands and warp back.PART 5 Mother Brain is surprised to see Kevin and Mike return together, holding hands. So surprised that it stops fucking Princess Lana and turns into a tank to blow Kevin up. "Kevin, NO!" Mike shouts and pushes him out of the way, taking a shot in the chest. "YOU BITCH!" Kevin snarls as he fires a blast at a chandelier, causing it to smash into a table, sending the entire evil crew out of a moonroof. "Mike....are you ok" Kevin says clutching Mike's hand. "Kevin... I.... I wish we could have spent more time together now, I'm so sorry." Kevin gives his lover one last gentle kiss before he fades away. "Goodbye, Mike." Kevin sobs. Lana, still naked, wraps her arms around Kevin as they all go home.Later.... King Hippo, still fooling around with Dr. Wily's mind gizmo from earlier tries to find a good station for his pal the Eggplant Wizard. "Now what channel was that hot babe on, I knew I would have to remember it better...oh yeah here it is" and with that he zaps the Eggplant Wizard into a beautiful woman. "Hi, hippo...thanks for really turning me on..."
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.