Brock's Challenge Pt. I, inspired by Pokemon, written by McCritical.Brock pulled out the half pack of 250 yen smokes he had tucked inconspicuously in the inside pocket of his jacket. He had purchased the cigarettes for an outrageous 750 from a nasty old Kiwi who worked as an instructor at the local eikaiwa. Lighting the cigarette, he could still smell the stench of the Kiwi's body odor, a combination of malt liquor and infrequent bathing mixed with the scent of cheap tobacco. Thankfully the smell of smoke from the cigarette eventually overpowered the lingering stench of the Zealander, and Brock relaxed as he filled lungs with sweet, sweet nicotine."Hey Brock, check this out!"Brock's first instinct on hearing his name was to stub out the cigarette and dispose of it discreetly, without Ash being the wiser. Every trainer had their own personal code, and one of Brock's rules was to not set a bad example for the younger trainers...the kids who looked up to him for guidance, the kids who idolized his talent. Ash had proven himself a peer, but the age difference still made Brock cautious around the youngster."It's the Simpsons...and they're naked!" Ash waved a ratty looking comic book in Brock's face. The book displayed an honest lack of artistic ability that made no attempt at mimicking Groening's style. The title, I Choo-Choose You, offered yet another interpretation of a pun from a classic episode with the characters engaged in what appeared to be a nude conga line. "I found it under a seat while I was riding the Yamanote Line!"At seeing Ash thrusting the semen encrusted magazine towards him, Brock choked on the cigarette in disgust. "Get that filthy thing away from me, Ash! Don't pick up things off the floor on the train! Have you ever seen what the salary men do when they read that crap?" Brock saw the bewildered look on the young trainer's face and changed his tone. "Ash, trust me, you want to throw that thing away and wash your hands...It's loaded with...uh...it's pretty contaminated....boogers and...and stuff.""I think it's American. It's in English and it looked really funny. I was hoping you could tell me what it said." Ash tossed it on the ground and rubbed his palms on his pants. "I've always wondered what Pokemon trainers are like in America.""They don't have Pokemon battles in America, they have cock fights. I guess it's pretty popular in Mexico to have two roosters fight while the spectators bet on which animal will win. Except the roosters don't pass out."How do they know which one wins?""It's a fight to the death. The animals mutilate and tear each other apart until one animal eventually dies." Brock saw the look of horror on young Ash's face. "Sometimes they have dog fights.""Chiuauas?""No, they fight roosters in Mexico...they fight dogs in Detroit.""I never knew the Americans were so barbaric..."Brock recalled an argument one of the American teachers had with a Japanese coworker at the conversation school. The American seemed convinced that the Japanese had tortured Chinese, his description of the events involved some of the most brutal activities that any human being could inflict on another. The Japanese worker later took Brock aside and explained that the Americans had been brainwashed to believe a lot of horrible stories about Nihon after the war, and that a lot of the propaganda still circulated amongst people in the United States. Regardless, if Ash couldn't imagine the Americans being barbarians, he must be sleeping during his history classes."Anyway, I'm going to Grandma's to go shopping, and I was wondering, could you baby-sit Pikachu while I'm gone?" Ash asked. "Usually I'd take him along, but Grandma's allergic to rats and you and Misty are the only people I trust to take good care of him.""Yeah, sure..."Ash turned to leave, stopped, and picked the Simpsons book off the ground. "If I see any boogers in here, I'll be sure to wash my hands and throw it away." he assured Brock. Brock rolled his eyes as he watched Ash grab the cum soaked comic and run off towards home.That's all the time we have this week. I'm sure you're all quite happy that we'll be going back to pictures next week. Because as we all know, only pictures are funny on the internet. See you then!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.