My father once decided the best way to present 10-year-old me with a full-head rubber alien mask was to wear it and loom over me in bed before I woke up.
A burial plot from my father.
He said "You're taken care of now!" with a proud smile.
My father had an interesting take on Christmas this year and instead of giving me anything he's decided to take things back from me that he gave me earlier this year. He's like bizarro Santa Claus I guess. Merry Christmas!
My dad went all out this year, I got a card. Just a card. One of those shitty bulk pack cards you get when you donate a dollar at the grocery store. Inside was a hastily scrawled and cliched xmas message.
edit: also he wrote it so quickly he misspelled my name. He called me Jordam.
Wow Dad, you've really outdone yourself this year. I thought being a Gay Son was uncomfortable in '08 when you bought me a purple scarf (you still weren't sure then...) And '09 being a Gay Son got even more awkward when you got me a subscription to Cosmo and a hair kit. I guess you were getting the picture. But this year.. a greasy handjob? I didn't even cum very hard.
The Haruhi Portion
your payment for all the bad movie licensed nes games you bought me as a child is my retribution! death by my hands, the hands of your son!
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.