My father once decided the best way to present 10-year-old me with a full-head rubber alien mask was to wear it and loom over me in bed before I woke up.
A burial plot from my father.
He said "You're taken care of now!" with a proud smile.
My father had an interesting take on Christmas this year and instead of giving me anything he's decided to take things back from me that he gave me earlier this year. He's like bizarro Santa Claus I guess. Merry Christmas!
My dad went all out this year, I got a card. Just a card. One of those shitty bulk pack cards you get when you donate a dollar at the grocery store. Inside was a hastily scrawled and cliched xmas message.
edit: also he wrote it so quickly he misspelled my name. He called me Jordam.
Wow Dad, you've really outdone yourself this year. I thought being a Gay Son was uncomfortable in '08 when you bought me a purple scarf (you still weren't sure then...) And '09 being a Gay Son got even more awkward when you got me a subscription to Cosmo and a hair kit. I guess you were getting the picture. But this year.. a greasy handjob? I didn't even cum very hard.
The Haruhi Portion
your payment for all the bad movie licensed nes games you bought me as a child is my retribution! death by my hands, the hands of your son!
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
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