For some baffling reason, most of my family will give me Eeyore (from Winnie the Pooh) themed stuff for holidays. I'm 30 years old, I hate Disney stuff, and I don't have any conceivable need for children's toys. I've never expressed any interest in Eeyore, Disney, A.A. Milne, or donkeys.
I have a couple of charities that I always ask the family to donate to instead of giving me stuff, but I still end up with stuffed Eeyores every year. I appreciate the gifts, but I end up giving it all to a children's hospital every January. Kind of a convoluted way to help the sick and poor, but there you go.
Every time I try to tactfully bring up the issue with my mother, she goes, "Because you LIKE Eeyore!" and rolls her eyes.
UPDATE: This year I got my sister clothes, and some stuff from Lush I knew she'd like. I got my mom some things from Sabon, tickets to a play and an IOU for dinner somewhere nice when she next comes out to visit me in Chicago. I also got them both a bunch of little local things/foods from my super-German neighborhood.
They didn't get me anything. My mom even forgot to pick me up at the airport yesterday. I feel like a 31-year old Dawn Weiner or something.
My mum's a nightmare to buy stuff for, and if she doesn't like it, she'll tell you all about it.
For example, when I was about 12, she'd just got the kitchen redone. It had silver wallpaper and all new appliances, and it looked really smart. The one thing that stuck out to me was that she was still putting her used teabags in a cup on the worktop, and it spoiled the look of the pretty kitchen.
So for Christmas I bought her a silver tea-bag bin. It was a shit present, yes, thinking about it. But I really meant well, and I explained why... and oh the words 'tea bag bin' still make me cringe now. Because she has NEVER let me forget it. First she ranted on and on about how it looked like a sanitary towel bin (it didn't), about how rubbish a present it was, how stupid I was, etc - and her and my older sister laughed openly at me for WEEKS afterwards for giving it to her. She threw it away, but not before putting it in my room several times as a reminder that she hated it. They still both bring it up now and it makes me angry. I was devastated she hated it so much, but she really didn't have to rub it in like that.
These days, if you give her something she doesn't like, she'll pull a face, hand it back to you and say 'rejected'. It really offends people but I'm used to it
A few years back, my oldest sister (who lives in South Carolina) got me one of those bargain-bin DVD collections. They were all like water-themed movies: "The Perfect Storm", "Sphere", and I believe "Deep Blue Sea." I'm glad it was a gift that was mailed to me, cause as soon as I opened it I said, "What the fuck? Wow, three shitty movies in one shitty collection! Thanks sis!" I was upset because it clearly involved no thought on her part, and she was probably at Wal-Mart and thought "Oh hey my brother likes movies" and just grabbed the first one she saw. I mean, they weren't even good bargain-bin movies. I don't think I ever even broke the plastic wrap on it.
And a few years back I remember my mom got me a bunch of random dollar store crap. I got something called "Bacon Floss", which was apparently bacon flavored floss, a shitty hand-held guitar hero game (which I never played once), and another one of them was this really cheap speaker for my iPod that was shaped like a Lego brick. I tried using it, and even on the highest volume you could barely hear anything. If I had just plugged in the ear-buds and left them on the table, it would've been much louder. I would've been happier if she just got me nothing at all.
UPDATE: This year I got a $25 American Eagle gift card and a $25 Subway gift card.
Mom & Grandma: No contact at all, which is a good thing I suppose since they disowned me and I don't need their poisonous bullshit, though I did have a dream about them begging my forgiveness on bended knee which was nice.
ascii genitalslol you received a psychic christmas gift
My siblings are all unemployed so no gifts this year.
But did I got something from the wife. A credit card bill arrived for $4000 that she'd charged up behind my back. It'll take about 6 months to pay that off I guess.
I spent Xmas sitting alone in the park.
My dad texted me a picture of my mother naked. I hate christmas.
I tried giving them books on parenting one year when I had money, and all that happened was they literally tossed them into the fireplace while I was watching, and then yelled at me, since I obviously don't know shit about raising children (I'm twenty-five and still a virgin; it's pretty obvious I don't have kids).
Right now I live with my grandmother, and she lets them invite themselves over as often as they want (which thank God, isn't that often). Again, once I have my own place, I'm going to through and take legal action to be certain none of them are able to see me. And when they get old, I'm sticking them both in the worst home I can find. Like the one in Happy Gilmore (this has been my plan since I saw Happy Gilmore).
I got a pair of jeans for Christmas, that were too short for me. I got to watch my little sister open her gifts of video games and clothes and such. They didn't wrap my gift, so much as stuff it in a bag and throw some tissue paper on top. I asked for the receipt so I could get a pair that fit better. My mom procrastinated giving me the receipt for two months, and one day while I was at work, took the jeans out of my drawer, returned them, and bought herself a shirt.
Last year, my sister got me a ream of printer paper. Her explanation was that I like to write (I haven't written in years, but I'll forever be known as the "writer" in the family) and if I wanted to send anything in I would need high quality paper. Also, we haven't been getting along lately, so I'm sure that had something to do with it too.
Gifts from my fucktard brother Wes last year: a framed picture of some old guy with no wrinkles (with "digital botox" on the back), a large poster of Earth on fire, small pliers with extremely long handles, and paper by the ream.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.