Hot sauce manufacturers have become the prop comedians of the condiment rack, concocting enough wacky product names and ridiculous packaging claims to make energy drinks seem reserved. Tahiti Joe's outzanies the likes of "Nuckin' Futs" with a "wild catalog" that includes Buttplug Relief ("If you're bowles are not on the move, this stuff will make it flow like a river after a dam broke") and Hot Ass Devil Juice ("it will make your RECTUM feel like a 'HOT ASS,' so a part of you will know what HELL is like.")

Clearly, Tahiti Joe's delivers all the anal-leakage humor people want from something they're going to put on their food, but what about the culinary qualities of, say, Wet Fart? "It does an incredible dance on all your taste buds," according to the guy in the trustworthy hat. The fellow on the right is The Real Tahiti Joe. There was a time when he was just a marketing gimmick, but now, he is so much more.

- Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller (@DarbageGay)