Daily SWAT: "French Connection"

Zack: Hell yeah, bro. I would kill for an evening to milk fun with that bitch.

Dr. Thorpe: "Ooh la la! A sexy french maid doggie costume is perfect for Halloween, parties, or guys who just want to fuck their dogs."

Zack: "Fifi's never looked friskier" It literally says that. They are literally trying to entice people to buy their dog a sexy costume.

Dr. Thorpe: Hell, you can see it in the photo, that dog knows it's in a lot of erotic trouble right now.

Zack: "I've always had this fantasy where my wife is at work and the dog maid comes in and she's licking a drop of pasta sauce I spilled on the kitchen floor. The back of her dress comes up and I can see everything. And I mean everything. Well, then I could not resist..."

Dr. Thorpe: Or maybe it's just that one last step for some people, like "dude, I never knew I wanted to fuck my dog until I saw it in that french maid costume."

Zack: "I totally understand, bro. I never wanted to fuck my dog either until I went on the Internet and purchased a costume to intentionally sexualize it."

Zack: "I had some trouble entering the credit card, but I figured it out eventually."

Dr. Thorpe: "I was a little confused by all that shit in the description about the vespers tolling for the agony of maid-dog, but whatev."

Zack: "Shit, they did charge me double and there was some sort of lobster suit in the box. I tried putting it on but I ended up looking like I was busting out of its chest and had all these legs dangling from my neck. I just went back to my usual President's costume."

Dr. Thorpe: You have to wonder how many people buy this costume for non-erotic purposes, and then you have to be kind of horrified with the figure you arrive at.

Zack: There is pretty much no good or wholesome reason to buy this costume outside of some convoluted Spanish Prisoner scheme.

Dr. Thorpe: It's like 95% dudes who want to do their dogs, 5% Playboy models who are dressing up as sexy maids and think it would be really cute to have a matching costume for their horrible little purse-dog who everybody wants to punt, except for all the dudes who see it in the sexy maid costume and start to think about maybe having sex with it.

Zack: You know Bill Maher has fucked at least one Playboy model's dog in a maid costume.

Zack: His 50 minute spiel on Christianity being "for fucking retards" fell flat on the Tiffany from Kansas with the double D implants, so he crept back into the grotto with the sauciest purse dog he could waylay. Time to party with frisky Fifi.

Dr. Thorpe: Shit, I bet he keeps one in his glove compartment and fucks it at slop lights.

Zack: He fucks it very quickly and very smugly.

Dr. Thorpe: And he's such a dick that you feel like an asshole for agreeing with him about how much Republicans suck and how sexy the dog is

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Dr. Thorpe: Well, Zack, all these dogs sure have been baffling, amusing and sexually stimulating, but that's just beginning, isn't it?

Zack: That's right, Dr. Thorpe. Tomorrow we'll be delving into the eye of the emotional damage hurricane to see what an assortment of frightful fiends have planned for Halloween.