Ugliest Man in the History of the Universe
I'd like to extend a warm "thank you" to everybody who donated to the SA Server Fund. I will be posting a list of all the generous donors tomorrow and sending out as many SA t-shirts as I can to the people who contributed. I greatly appreciate all the support and help I've been given to recuperate after that whole "affair" with Express.com. Now let us never speak of it again!
Having nearly forgotten Something Awful's roots in the B-movie scene, I realized that I haven't reviewed an absolutely horrible movie in months! Sure, my excuse of "I cannot bear sitting through another one of these movies three times in a row" sounds good on paper, but that still doesn't help warn the world of the terrible films that inhabit their local Blockbuster Video. As a result, I have buckled down, glued my ass to the chair, and pumped out a review of "Skeeter", one of the finest cinematic masterpieces involving mutant mosquitoes that you'll ever see. Well, assuming nobody ever makes another movie about mutant mosquitoes. Which, in all likelihood, they won't.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, you are correct. That is, in fact, The Absolute Ugliest Man in the History of the Universe. Somehow the director was able to convince that guy to take time out of his busy schedule of splashing medical waste and hydrofluoric acid on his face to star in this movie. And yes, to the best of my knowledge, that is in fact a giant mutant mosquito in the middle coming out of a used condom. What else could you ask for? Read the review of "Skeeter" and pray to the Lord you never have to get within 500 feet of this video.
Did you know that somebody made a Nintendo game based off the predictably lame "Garfield" comic strip? Me neither. Good thing for us the Chinese Dynamo did. Well, I think it's a good thing.
Game Plot: The official title of the game is A Week of Garfield: Garfield. Redundant, but indeed, effective. I find the repetition of the word "Garfield" very familiar and inviting. The title screen is complete with the instantly recognizable "Garfield" font and the ubiquitous "press start" command everybody has grown to associate with Garfield. Then that crazy, lazy cat comes a hustlin' in stage left and stops. Quite the entrance! His boy Odie comes in stage right, fashionably late, and bumps into Garfield only to turn around in idiotic routine and wander off. The animation is key here. How Garfield's lazy old eyelids suddenly pop open in surprise as Odie runs off was just perfect. Seeing both of Odie's pupils randomly (and independently) moving and tongue lolling just made me scream "Garfield!!!" until I was blue in the face.
On second thought, discovering this game doesn't sound too good at all. Read the review and decide for yourself.