Today's article is a long-in-the-works collaboration between Josh and me. We've been putting off writing this thing for months, because we are lazy and misanthropic, but the fruits of our labor are now here for you to devour like the animals that you are.
While writing this was a breeze since Josh is a fine comedic foil, I can't take credit for the actual WORK involved in this article, which was making it look like real newspaper clippings. I've got to hand it to Mr. "Livestock" Boruff for doing a bang-up job and making everything look great, because that sort of thing is wholly beyond my means.
Didn't like this update? Tough luck, there's going to be more tomorrow! Who knows where the thrilling tales of senior grudges will take you.
Honestly, though, I think the best part of this was finding pictures of old men. I apologize to whoever's grandpa the old man next to my columns is, because I have surely tarnished his pride or, God forbid, shamed his memory. Here is us talking about my old man photo:
Livestock: Yours looks like he was shown something amusing that he didn't understand, so he smiled politely.
DannyManic: Sort of like people will do when they see our article.
Livestock: Yes exactly
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!