Today's update was a sloppily formatted mess which may or may not have been funny. Looking back on it, it has a lot of Amber Alert overtones. My bad.
I thought Prussian Blue would be the perfect topic for a frontpage update, because they're terrifying and absurd. I underestimated how hard it would be to make something that's already absurd funny. Again, the formatting is really a huge mess and I'm sorry if I damaged your eyes. I'm the worst. If you want more information on the horror that is Prussian Blue, here are a few links.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!