I've been really busy and my pet crab gave birth to a litter of crablings.
This is my current excuse for all subpar articles in the future. Actually I kind of like this article, even though I only had about a hour to write it. I'm pretty surprised I pulled it off. I was just going to call Lowtax and tell him that I had cancer again. My facade is wearing thin.
Front Page Gossip: Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley is a Goth
I've been doing some snooping around Knisley's hometown and I've found out that he is 84% Goth. This comes as no surprise to most readers, but it will surely be a devastating blow to the already tarnished image of Knisley, who is on his last legs here at the SA home office. I paid off the janitor at his high school and was able to get a hold of this yearbook picture of him. Damning evidence indeed.
Where is the TomTom Navigator now? 40.7 Latitude, -74 Longitude
Dissatisfied Star Wars fans have taken the women out of the Last Jedi with a new fan edit. They won't stop there.
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!