I've been really busy and my pet crab gave birth to a litter of crablings.
This is my current excuse for all subpar articles in the future. Actually I kind of like this article, even though I only had about a hour to write it. I'm pretty surprised I pulled it off. I was just going to call Lowtax and tell him that I had cancer again. My facade is wearing thin.
Front Page Gossip: Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley is a Goth
I've been doing some snooping around Knisley's hometown and I've found out that he is 84% Goth. This comes as no surprise to most readers, but it will surely be a devastating blow to the already tarnished image of Knisley, who is on his last legs here at the SA home office. I paid off the janitor at his high school and was able to get a hold of this yearbook picture of him. Damning evidence indeed.
He has unlocked the secrets of the universe and seen beyond the mortal plane, yet Doctor Strange can't believe how easy it is to eat an olive.
You can realize that you’ve wasted the last few moments of youth at an occupation you hate or fool yourself into a numb compliance with one of these great excuses.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!