Came from this article at CNN, which tells us something we've known for years: all teenagers are stupid and only survive to adulthood because the world is basically idiot-safe. After Lowtax forwarded it to me we started planning this article, and after stealing all of his good ideas and making them my own (read: bad) I came up with what you just read. Thanks for the idea, Toesnacks!
Alex "Microwave" May did all the art for this update and I thought he deserved some credit! Eventually some idiot's really going to try this and I need someone to defer the lawsuit papers to! Thanks for putting up with my constant "WAIT, WAIT CHANGE THAT" messages, Alex!
Last week we ran a review of "Metalheads", arguably the worst movie ever made. After sitting through that I think I can probably watch anything, so keep emailing those suggestions and I will try to sift through them!
Thanks to everyone who emailed me about the last Pregame Wrapup. I'm having a lot of fun writing them and I'm glad so many people are enjoying them. Next time we'll probably look at some baseball teams, so if you like baseball be sure to read it! Also, I'm trying to learn about soccer and hockey so I can make fun of them, too, but it's a long process. Eventually you weirdos with your alternative sports will have your moment in the sun.
Thanks for reading, guys! See you in a few weeks!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!