I want to thank my sister Renee from making the awesome Jasper pictures. If you would like let her know how much you like them, here is her e-mail.
People keep writing me asking why I hardly update anymore. Look, I don’t know how much clearer I can make this for you. We are through. I ended it in January and there is no chance of reconciliation at this point. Sure, we had our good times. Playing footsie at Applebee’s, climbing that banana tree, summers in Rome. But those times are over, you have to stop dwelling on the past and move on.
Don’t play fey with me. I know you have been seeing other writers like Pantsfish, Maxnmona, Acetone, Bobservo, and Docevil. You dirty slut.
I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I don’t want this to get more messy than it already is. Let’s just be friends, okay?
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!