Front Page Gossip: Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley Eats Grass
It's true. My sources tell me that witnesses saw Knisley on all fours in the SA corporate park yesterday feasting on a lunch of grass. This just goes to show you that he cannot be trusted to update the front page and is probably a member of the Communist Party. He also smells like Cheetos.
I really did go to a beer taste festival called "Hops of Fun" this past weekend. We were up at Mackinac Island for a late one year anniversary of our marriage, and it just happened that they had this huge festival a stones throw away from our hotel. I sampled a lot of microbrews that I've never heard of before and most of them were damn good, but the beer snobbery was evident and the trendy names and packaging was a little extreme. I guess people get really bored with beer and have to jazz it up a little, just like they do with coffee and PEZ dispensers. I did try a couple cigars as well. My favorite was the Churchill, and I wrote most of my update slightly drunk while sitting next to Lake Huron with a big stogie in my mouth, chuckling like a deranged mob boss. That explains a lot about my update!
Ariana Grande? No way! Here's a podcast that looks squarely at Ariana Grande and says, ‘No way!’
TECHNICALLY A DOG - I have expertly subdivided a horse to create what is, scientifically speaking, a dog. I have done this 10 times before and plan to keep doing it forever!!! $400. 555-2466
The water got bigger? my sand castle was destroyed and we had to move. Who did this?
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!