I Broke My Toe Chasing My Cat
I was eating some Cheez-Its on the couch and my retarded kitten grabbed one out of my hand and fled to devour it in some dark hole. I gave chase in blind anger and hit my foot on a cast iron table leg. A toe on my left foot is broken and all black and puffy. I need help. It hurts to walk and I need something to drink badly. Send cases of Bass ale and some pornographic DVDs. Thank you.
Oh Great Another Preachy Frolixo Update
"What happened to the good old days when Frolixo wrote about talking farm animals and shopping for a new pair of shoes?" Not to fret young ones, I have not abandoned you. Next week I tackle Literacy, but after that I'm done. This is part of my community service for shooting the neighborhood kids with an airsoft gun for hanging around my bushes. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BUSHES YOU LITTLE SHITS!
Oh god my foot.
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!