Pure cane Dr. Pepper is the greatest drink in the world.
Shut up!

I'm tired of people telling me how to live my life by using ridiculous scare tactics based on rumors and bullshit. It was inspired by one of the countless idiots on the Internet who propagate the unbelievable claim that casually drinking diet soda gives you cancer and turns into formaldehyde, or whatever form the rumor is currently manifesting itself as. I know some people really want to believe this shit, because it makes them look smart to know something that nobody else does, and all their friends are terribly impressed when they go to drink some Diet Coke and their buddy knocks it out of their hand and begins rattling off bullet points they read from a forward in their Hotmail account.

People want the world to conspire against them. People want enemies. People want to have a crusade, no matter how weak its foundation may be. The best way to spread their message is through fear, by making up crap to further their agenda. Touching meat gives you colon cancer! IT'S A FACT BECAUSE I READ IT SOMEWHERE. All the oil is gone! IT'S A FACT BECAUSE I READ IT SOMEWHERE! Nobody needs to take medication for any reason! IT'S A FACT BECAUSE I READ IT SOMEWHERE!

For the record, I hate diet soda. It gives me a headache and makes me feel sick. But I'm smart enough to realize that the millions of people drinking it don't have cancer because of their soft drink. I don't take any prescription medication, but that doesn't stop me from knowing a lot of people receive a lot of help from them. Yes, the American culture is swamped with anti-depressants and doctors writing prescriptions like autographs, but a lot of people are helped by them. And yeah, I completely agree that we need to start developing alternative fuel vehicles because gas ain't gonna last forever, but the world's not going to suddenly explode if we don't have electric cars by next week.

Everything will kill you. All of us will die. Don't ruin my brief time on this planet by trying to scare me to death, because it ain't gonna work.

You can't always solve a problem, but you can always create one.

ARC For You and Me

Check out the ARC mp3 page and listen to the new music teaser I released. I'm terribly proud of how it turned out, and I really want to hear feedback from people who bought the CD. If you like industrial / techno music which doesn't go stale and turn boring, you will definitely enjoy it. Support a truly independent artist!

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.