Man, I love that Army Asshole commercial, don't you? You know the one I mean?
It's the one where a spotless and effete soldier returns home on leave to find his old friends roughhousing and having a good time. “Some things never change,” the superior GI quips. His friends ignore his barb, because they already realize that his enlistment has turned him into a real piece of shit. One of his now-former friends awkwardly volunteers a question: “So, what are you doing in the Army? Jumping out of planes and stuff?” “No, I work with computers.” His perplexed acquaintance, who may have even missed the son of a bitch a little bit, seems hurt: “couldn’t you have done that at home?” We are then treated to a montage of the sweaty soldier yelling and prodding at computers in helicopters. With an indescribably cruel, calculated humorlessness, our hero replies: “No. Not exactly.” And then he makes this awful, snide little better-than-you face.
Anyway, does anyone know where I can find the longer version of this commerical? There must be one. It left me hanging. I really wanted to see his friends’ response; I imagined that there would be an awkward pause, and then his friend would say “…Ohhhhhhhhh-kaaaaaaay and then get up and leave. Or perhaps one of his friends would return his steely glare and say, “God, Jerry, you sure turned into a real fucking asshole, didn’t you?”
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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