Man, I love that Army Asshole commercial, don't you? You know the one I mean?
It's the one where a spotless and effete soldier returns home on leave to find his old friends roughhousing and having a good time. “Some things never change,” the superior GI quips. His friends ignore his barb, because they already realize that his enlistment has turned him into a real piece of shit. One of his now-former friends awkwardly volunteers a question: “So, what are you doing in the Army? Jumping out of planes and stuff?” “No, I work with computers.” His perplexed acquaintance, who may have even missed the son of a bitch a little bit, seems hurt: “couldn’t you have done that at home?” We are then treated to a montage of the sweaty soldier yelling and prodding at computers in helicopters. With an indescribably cruel, calculated humorlessness, our hero replies: “No. Not exactly.” And then he makes this awful, snide little better-than-you face.
Anyway, does anyone know where I can find the longer version of this commerical? There must be one. It left me hanging. I really wanted to see his friends’ response; I imagined that there would be an awkward pause, and then his friend would say “…Ohhhhhhhhh-kaaaaaaay and then get up and leave. Or perhaps one of his friends would return his steely glare and say, “God, Jerry, you sure turned into a real fucking asshole, didn’t you?”
Doctor Ben Carson, Popeye's survivor, has some advice about school shootings, terrorists on airplanes, chopping malls, and more perilous scenarios.
With all these great tats, it's safe to say I'm the most unique person on earth. Which sounds great, until you realize how lonely it is.
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