Man, I love that Army Asshole commercial, don't you? You know the one I mean?
It's the one where a spotless and effete soldier returns home on leave to find his old friends roughhousing and having a good time. “Some things never change,” the superior GI quips. His friends ignore his barb, because they already realize that his enlistment has turned him into a real piece of shit. One of his now-former friends awkwardly volunteers a question: “So, what are you doing in the Army? Jumping out of planes and stuff?” “No, I work with computers.” His perplexed acquaintance, who may have even missed the son of a bitch a little bit, seems hurt: “couldn’t you have done that at home?” We are then treated to a montage of the sweaty soldier yelling and prodding at computers in helicopters. With an indescribably cruel, calculated humorlessness, our hero replies: “No. Not exactly.” And then he makes this awful, snide little better-than-you face.
Anyway, does anyone know where I can find the longer version of this commerical? There must be one. It left me hanging. I really wanted to see his friends’ response; I imagined that there would be an awkward pause, and then his friend would say “…Ohhhhhhhhh-kaaaaaaay and then get up and leave. Or perhaps one of his friends would return his steely glare and say, “God, Jerry, you sure turned into a real fucking asshole, didn’t you?”
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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