Secrets of Comedy... Revealed!
I like to think that I'm somewhat good at writing, because on semi-regular occasions I have received cash payments for my services. It's almost like how garbagemen are hired based on how far they can throw bags of human waste; someone obviously thought that I had a skill which others lacked. I tend to leave the human waste hurling to trained professionals, or for special occasions like birthday parties of people I don't like, but I do know a little about being funny that I will share with the 2% of you who chose to read The Daily Dirt.
COMEDY: WHERE EAGLES DARE
How to be funny:
Watch the following:
Avoid the following:
Yes, there are books you should read and avoid, but you've obviously discovered the internet, making books irrelevant! From here on, you just need to follow my advice for about ten years, all while spending an appalling amount of time alone. You may develop severe emotional problems and chemical dependencies, and also grow to hate everything that surrounds you, but at least you can say "I am a writer for the Internet" before the orderlies notice that you chewed through your restraints again. And whether you're being held down while sedatives are injected into your arm, or finishing another bottle of Uncle Daddy's Feelgood Juice on your own time, you can thank me for helping you make it that far. Thanks, me!
Next Time, on THE DIRT
In the next exciting episode of The Daily Dirt, I will be giving advice on pets, relationships, and pet relationships, even if no one sends in questions! But please send in questions so I don't look like a dummy! Just e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org, and you may find yourself part of the next marginally exciting installment of... THE DIRT!
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!