Secrets of Comedy... Revealed!
I like to think that I'm somewhat good at writing, because on semi-regular occasions I have received cash payments for my services. It's almost like how garbagemen are hired based on how far they can throw bags of human waste; someone obviously thought that I had a skill which others lacked. I tend to leave the human waste hurling to trained professionals, or for special occasions like birthday parties of people I don't like, but I do know a little about being funny that I will share with the 2% of you who chose to read The Daily Dirt.
COMEDY: WHERE EAGLES DARE
How to be funny:
Watch the following:
Avoid the following:
Yes, there are books you should read and avoid, but you've obviously discovered the internet, making books irrelevant! From here on, you just need to follow my advice for about ten years, all while spending an appalling amount of time alone. You may develop severe emotional problems and chemical dependencies, and also grow to hate everything that surrounds you, but at least you can say "I am a writer for the Internet" before the orderlies notice that you chewed through your restraints again. And whether you're being held down while sedatives are injected into your arm, or finishing another bottle of Uncle Daddy's Feelgood Juice on your own time, you can thank me for helping you make it that far. Thanks, me!
Next Time, on THE DIRT
In the next exciting episode of The Daily Dirt, I will be giving advice on pets, relationships, and pet relationships, even if no one sends in questions! But please send in questions so I don't look like a dummy! Just e-mail [email protected], and you may find yourself part of the next marginally exciting installment of... THE DIRT!
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!