Zack: From the book: "The land on both sides of the trail is hard and rocky. Jagged boulders and sharp stones litter the ground. The trail remains smooth, however, and you have no trouble riding along it. A swift-flowing river crosses your trail, spanned by a bridge made of dull gray stone. An arch made of the same stone stands at the mouth of the bridge. Odd runes are carved into the arch. The runes are ancient, yet somehow familiar. Beyond the bridge the trail leads into a small stand of trees, which blocks your view of the terrain beyond it."
Steve: I attempt to decipher the runes.
Zack: With an intelligence of 6 you would have trouble deciphering a color.
Steve: No need to be insulting. I consult with the Decider. "Foul axe, answer me, what do these runes mean?"
Zack: "I cannot lie to you, mighty hero, they are the marking of the horse tribes. Along this path is their castle."
Steve: "For your honesty I will spare your life!" Dean Snakehands shouts to the heavens so that the gods may feel his power. Then I cross the bridge, prepared to do battle with the horses.
Zack: You cross the bridge and follow the trail into the woods, finding no sign of castle or horse.
Steve: Their armies rout at the first sign of my approach.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.