Zack: From the book: "The land on both sides of the trail is hard and rocky. Jagged boulders and sharp stones litter the ground. The trail remains smooth, however, and you have no trouble riding along it. A swift-flowing river crosses your trail, spanned by a bridge made of dull gray stone. An arch made of the same stone stands at the mouth of the bridge. Odd runes are carved into the arch. The runes are ancient, yet somehow familiar. Beyond the bridge the trail leads into a small stand of trees, which blocks your view of the terrain beyond it."
Steve: I attempt to decipher the runes.
Zack: With an intelligence of 6 you would have trouble deciphering a color.
Steve: No need to be insulting. I consult with the Decider. "Foul axe, answer me, what do these runes mean?"
Zack: "I cannot lie to you, mighty hero, they are the marking of the horse tribes. Along this path is their castle."
Steve: "For your honesty I will spare your life!" Dean Snakehands shouts to the heavens so that the gods may feel his power. Then I cross the bridge, prepared to do battle with the horses.
Zack: You cross the bridge and follow the trail into the woods, finding no sign of castle or horse.
Steve: Their armies rout at the first sign of my approach.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.